Category: Road Life

What Life on the road as a truck driver is really like!

My day is…..

by RoachKiller

Complete! I was called “dog” by a woman wearing an Alice In Chains shirt! Which surpasses being called “ boo” by a black woman in Birmingham Alabama with 17” fingernails!

Bwoop bwoop!

Yup….

by RoachKiller

I’ve been having a crissy look alike poking around the new instagram account! Go check the likes! If it’s actually her, cool! If not it’s one of my groupies trying to troll again….

The geezers can’t stop…..

My big thing….

by RoachKiller

Now is to go to the Clackamas promenade and drive around the tesla charging stations and wave! I usually catch the exact same people on the way in and the way out…..

What?

by RoachKiller

Speak up, I suffer from truck driver ear! What did you say? Who are you again? Why do I care?

All things that I say when I hear you talk!

Hachoo…..

by RoachKiller

https://youtu.be/kCqz96H4iHA?si=kXduYw16M8cA0XfC

FYI my rule of thumb for winter driving was, 1 butthole pucker keep riding, 2 butthole puckers, start thinking of a place to stop. 3 butthole puckers, it’s time to get off the road!

If you have made it to the part where they have to surgically remove the drivers seat from your ass! You waited to long to get off the road…..

2 questions…..

by RoachKiller

For my old school homies!

I’m trying to remember the names of the chemicals I hauled over the years.

One was valued at $1 million dollars! It was like methyl glycol or something like that?

The other was that 1 I delivered over there around gas city Indiana! Over by that weird old school milk bottle building!

The guy who unloaded it wore a fire suit and required the driver and all pets to move away from the truck. That way if the trailer door sparked when opening. The ensuing fireball would be somewhat controlled?

Or was I the only one they entrusted to run those kind of loads? 🙂

Like my….

by RoachKiller

Momma always said! “ your a special boy!”

I’m guessing that’s why this is my one true vice!

What are…..

by RoachKiller

The chances I come to work today to find all the doors locked on the truck I’m driving today?

Oh and this is the truck where the spare key doesn’t fit the door! Pretty much cleaned out the rack of spare truck keys!

Found one that worked! I don’t really have the energy to walk the stairs again for the 4th time today! So I’ll take these spare keys with me today!

Sorry, but I do believe yall have some issues to deal with…..

No really…..

by RoachKiller

All my new jackets now have that butt protector half circle on the bottom!

It’s weird I am at just the perfect height my ass is constantly getting wet from puckered lips….

Look who….

by RoachKiller

Is seriously desperate! Who is so broke they had to come all the way from crazy town again to start up some shit ROFLMAO!

Yup that’s right buddy! I’m headed to work! You’re not welcome to follow or even interact! Cus if you or your crazy town members do, your gunna need those million dollar lawyers again….

Bwoop bwoop!

You don’t think that’s what all those porn bot followers are there for do ya?

Oh this…..

by RoachKiller

I’m looking into claiming workman’s comp on this one! This was caused by trying to force a key that doesn’t fit a lock, fit a lock!

The spare key fits the ignition but as I learned. It doesn’t fit the door except it does…..

After 45 minutes it finally unlocked the door…… ROFLMAO!

Added bonus….

by RoachKiller

You should see how flat my stomach looks! What a work out….. 🙂

Elevator goes up, elevator goes down…..

I had a blast today! More than work but a few things I said to certain people…..

By the reactions I got, they don’t think very highly of their delivery drivers…… ROFLMAO!

Well worth the entertainment!

My day consisted of…..

by RoachKiller

330 miles and 19 stops! My day ended with 330 miles and finished 18 stops!

I’m 6’4” and that pallet was taller than me! I had to break down 4-6 or so pallets just like that! Some with 2 stops some with 4 stops!

All a monster pain in the ass! Not only did I roll countless milk crates filled with milk up flights of stairs! I had to fill an elevator twice with product to deliver!

Then all while doing that, I watched a drunk couple do the fight in public situation! Got dived bombed by a bird. Not to mention the returns and product errors all along the way!

So in this scenario, did you win or did I win? Cus it looks to me like I won…..