Category: Road Life

What Life on the road as a truck driver is really like!

Got a bunch…..

by RoachKiller

Of vaccines 2 days ago! Didn’t get hit with any after effects until yesterday! Made it through it but god damn, that’s obviously what being run over by a car has got to feel like!

Seriously achy and sore! I had to crawl in a trailer to sweep it out. I complained the whole fucking time! There was no hair of the dog for that discomfort!

Luckily I am a trained professional and know that 3 ibuprofen every 3 days helps. But doesn’t cure all!

I want this sign!

Just watching…..

by RoachKiller

The show the newbies are putting on today! My advice, if you’re going to be fucking with someone in order to steal their spot as a god!

You really might want to know your enemy! Otherwise yall just look like even bigger worthless cunts…..

Double u stands for WHORE!

Oh and don’t forget to say, praise sweet baby Jesus! Cus without that fallacy yall got nothing to fall back on to prove what good, honest, trustworthy people you are!

Hey granny……

by RoachKiller

I realize we’re about the same age. It’s obvious I’m a little bit smarter than you. Due to the fact that I didn’t run into the wall. You obviously ran full steam right into that motherfucker!

Remember a few years back when I said, “you really need to put the lotion on the skin?”

Yeah, lady, I was talking to you……

I will tell you, though it was nice to see that big bright smile of yours! Obviously your hemorrhoids aren’t flaring up this week……

Oh and…..

by RoachKiller

The other night I randomly came down to check on the truck! Had the usual guys parked down here! Including the new batch of car lifers!

All usually mind their own business. Yet when I came down. There was a silver version of this car. Parked with people inside! The shady type, ya know!. Wouldnt have thought anything of it except the car had no plates or even a temp permit in the window!

They left when I left so I followed behind a while! They kept looking behind them like they were being followed or something…..

Anyhoot, drug deal? Truck thieves? Parts thieves? I dunno just keep an eye out……

I don’t know who this granny is but that’s the model ford Taurus…… just silver with black accents…..

I am…..

by RoachKiller

Sore as fuck!

Stay cool today! I waited until 20:00 last night to mow the back yard! Still was drenched in sweat by the time I was done! Hot hot hot!

Remember ladies and gents…..

by RoachKiller

Don’t forget to wear your scarlet W when in public! It’s only due to the shame you brought upon yourselves by advertising your only fans accounts via social media

W stands fore, “ whore!”

What I said…..

by RoachKiller

When the last batch of mental retardation walked by! “ where did they find this batch of retardation?”

Cmon even you low rents have to have some form of higher class people you know?

Oh and…..

by RoachKiller

The best way to piss off my old lady at breakfast is,

Say everything like forest gump and keep calling her Jenny!

Oh I had so much fun! 🙂

It’s simple…..

by RoachKiller

After having to constantly replace the sprinkler heads after the kids would mow the lawn. Yea I stopped using it!

So I went and picked up this really adjustable, cheap sprinklers from ace hardware! I was shocked how adjustable these things are! From a small area to a large area these things actually work better than the inground system!

Added bonus you can daisy chain them together and basically do the same shit an in ground does only without the monster hassle!

$18 for 2 at ace…..

Longevity is unknown but I’m sure you can get atleast a summer out of them…..

Getting excited…..

by RoachKiller

Now that my pain in the ass has moved out. I now get to rip out all the tracer appliances I had hooked up to the home network!

I got some cool shit planned! I learned some cool shit and I totally ass fucked some uncool people!

Now if I can just figure out how to put all these into one package! I will be a millionaire I tell ya, a fucking millionaire!

Stay tuned!

I’m a…..

by RoachKiller

Little tea pot short and stout! Here is my handle here is my spout!

Told ya I’m much cooler than you!

This means…..

by RoachKiller

I’m gay now doesn’t it? In my defense, this thing can almost diagnose brain cancer! The health checks this thing does far outweighed any Fitbit I could find!

I hate watches but fuck, I’ll suffer for a few months…..

Oh no not that…..

by RoachKiller

You mean I now have an inactive device with the built in radios I need. that now has more value to me than it did as a miner?

Oh no, not that…..

Went to…..

by RoachKiller

Apple bees for dinner and pretended to be pirates! I like rum, fyi!

Not sober enough to drive! I’m scared as the old lady is driving my ride….

I’m scared now! I also don’t like being a passenger in my own car!

Bravo……

by RoachKiller

To the local PD officer who drove by with the ultimate 70s bone smoker cop mustache!

(Look where your going dickhead, Ford escape just tried cutting me off without actually being in front of me.)

But back to what I was saying, bravo it was like watching an episode of chips!

Seriously be proud of that stache dude!

And be sure to follow their advice on their sign, make an appointment! You’re gonna need it……