Category: Road Life

What Life on the road as a truck driver is really like!

Goldilocks….

by RoachKiller

Has nothing on me toots! ROFLMAO!

Well after two attempts! I have found the perfect board for my foot stool!

Not to big, not to small! Just right! Added bonus it has built in pen holders, is environmentally friendly and does what I need it too! 😉

The first two tries are on my counter actually being used as they should!

And as I’m doing my weekly chores around the house! I’m realizing how nice it is to actually be tall enough to put away the dishes! Without aid of a step stool…..

Jump for it little man, jump!

All right ladies….

by RoachKiller

Who wants a blackrock coffee bar, fuel? I’ll either go to the one on 82nd drive or on 82nd by winco?

So what the fuck do you ladies want?

Im in awe….

by RoachKiller

What took me years at Crete has been accomplished here in less than 2 months! Truly amazing…..

Finally had to use my pandemic road toilet paper! Yea I keep the tp upstairs but luckily I kept that in the garage! 🙂

Hey man, I’m just minding my own business doing my own thing! It would be you people who can’t do just that!

Holy shit…..

by RoachKiller

That’s a first! I have never waited an hour + at a drop while the chef argues about broccoli! ROFLMAO! They thought they were ordering broccolini but actually ordered regular broccoli!

But then, they realized they were out of veggies for the weekend and needed something! But there was a little yellow in the broccoli heads.

But then the cilantro was dying fast! Yet they only ordered 4 and there were 10 in the box. They found 4 good bushels and sent back the rest….

Then after all that, they returned the 8 cases of broccoli while the magic chef was able to call someone and get broccolini….

Don’t ask me I just drive the truck and have the returns book…..

Still having a blast…..

If I told you what customer that was, it would blow your mind! I guarantee anyone in Portland has been there and eaten there….. 😉

High standards they have! They also have an all you can eat seafood buffet Friday and saturdays!

Oh and I guess there was a big fuck up last week where customers either didn’t get the correct order or something! Cus everyone I delivered to wanted to check the count and condition of everything!

There ya go…..

by RoachKiller

The 2 missing products from the last stop! No one ordered a 10lb box of mixed salad or a 3lb cello of spinach…..

So I’m guessing that’s why they didn’t get there cut celery or Arcadian petite…..

God damn…..

by RoachKiller

Class B trucks suck!

And am I the only one tired of going into the drivers lounge and all you hear the other drivers do is bitch about the company? they don’t give me this, they didn’t do that.

The routes suck, on and on! Try or35, that route sucks! They never have anything to keep me busy the rest of the day….. so that’s a 3 – 4 hour day for me!

The other routes are doable! With time my trip times will come down! Like today, I was thrown into a class b never driving anything close to it except a U-Haul! Went to multiple places I’ve never been. With not so visible receiving docks! ( my guess the tall gate covered with barbed wire blocked my view….. Of course my times are gunna be longer!

It’s like walking into a Crete drivers lounge! After 2 months it’s getting fucking old! Not even I could bitch that much! And I had a lot to bitch about….. I’m at the point I grab my paperwork, keys and metal paperwork box to get the fuck out of there…..

Still having a blast! Being the newbie who’s the problem….. 😉

Oh and I have this new system down! I arrive at work. I go up and grab my papers and shit! Try to get my head in the game and then when I’m prepared! I clock in! Then I’m looking at atleast 1/2 an hour before leaving. Most that time is searching for keys…..

I win! Above the water it is!

You want to…..

by RoachKiller

Piss of a batch of class b drivers? ROFLMAO! Make it known that your load that day was loaded on a class b!

Same shit brah, different place! ROFLMAO!

Ya know…..

by RoachKiller

I could have been a drunk or a drug addict very easily! Nope, I chose the drug free route, drove 5,000,000 accident free miles! Spent 30 years of my life doing it!

Now I’m standing outside in the rain at noon on Christmas Day firing up the bbq just to smoke a ham!

Sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong path! 😉

Retired my…..

by RoachKiller

23 years accident free plaque’ as my coaster. Replaced it with this mother fucker! Oddly I’m not smart enough to measure before ordering!

Ordered the big one! To big!

So ordered the small one! To small!

So after measuring, it looks as though the 3rd one is the perfect fit! ROFLMAO! I needed cutting boards either way!

ROFLMAO…..

by RoachKiller

In the 23 years I drove for Crete. I was only not home for Xmas 1 year! After that 1 year I learned to do what I had to do to make sure I was home!

I’ll tell you I had tom as a dispatcher! The best dispatcher I had there! We couldn’t stand each other but somehow we found a way to work together!

Usually I would be a monster cunt until I got what I wanted! TWords the end I think he gave up and just gave me what he knew I wanted!

Long loads and my 12,000 miles a month!

I tried the breing nice bullshit! Got me nowhere! Being a raging cunt got me everywhere! Not only with him but everyone else in dispatch!

So next time it’s about 2 weeks from Xmas. If you live in the west coast. You know you’re going to hit snow somewhere enroute home! Not to mention you will have to throw chains atleast once to get to pdx!

So keep your eye on the weather but start about 2 weeks out making sure they know your due home! Over and over and over!

Also make sure you’re ready to do what you gotta do to get over the mountain…..

And since when does the garbage man come on Xmas day? NEVER!

Speak up…..

by RoachKiller

We in the parking lot can’t hear you! Something about “ you think you have this all figured out?”

We all want to know how that turned out for ya! Then we all want to know who the fuck you’re talking to…..

Amazing the shit you hear stupid people say, really loudly…..

Luckily they have the exact same frames as I bought 3 years ago…..

In the 3 years I’ve owned these they have saved my eyeballs twice from flying metal and burrs hanging off trailers…..

Not to mention luck! That’s what saved me from that flying brake can that flew past my head at the truck stop…..

Yea it was at a pilot in Wisconsin! I was walking g in to shower and a spread axle drove by. Hit a pothole and his brake can blew off! You know that sound effect in like in final destination? You hear it when something is fly to kill people! Yea that noise is true life…..

I’m wondering…..

by RoachKiller

If the x wife will be able to buy everyone’s love this year with mass quantities of presents?

Me, everyone got 1 decent present! If it’s not good enough for ya! We’ll then return it and fuck off!

That’s probably why you didn’t get anything from me this year, huh?

( If you need a mower I found this on the neighbors corner this morning at 05:00 when I took the garbage out thinking it was Thursday….. )

I call it…..

by RoachKiller

The hail satan grift wrap set!

It looks great as long as you don’t look at it from any side view! 😉 hey in my defense I never said I could wrap……

Unfortunately I have no idea how to spell any of there names! Hell most of them I can’t even remember there names!

I’m a face guy…..